Dude, this last week was kinda crazy. What am I saying, it was REALLY crazy!
I snapped at work on Saturday (8-16-08) when I was closing Drive-thru. Not like getting angry kind of snapping, but I just fell off my rocker! Periodically through out the night I would just start laughing about nothing because I was crazy.
The next night (8-17-08) Jake, Misha, Blair, and I were closing. Misha closed drive-thru and I closed dishes, thankfully. Jake was telling Misha how crazy she was because she was talking all crazy and shit.
After closing we all got into this discussion about how Misha was actually normal compared to me cause of how I lost it the night before.
Well then on Monday night (8-18-08), Melissa was supposed to close with Misha and I. Well she called in and said she couldn't come to work because she dropped something on her foot so she couldn't walk. So we were down a closer. I had to close backline, so Misha closed Drive-thru again. This new girl named Liberty closed dishes, that poor girl.
That night, Misha freakin' snapped! She lost it, laughing her ass off and being all crazy like I was on Saturday night! It was hilarious, and so freaking' ironic! I got a kick out of it! Misha and I agreed that anybody who closes Drive-thru on a consistent basis is bound to go crazy!
So then, last night (8-19-08), Blair had to close because Melissa still couldn't come to work. Blair closed backline, I closed drive-thru and Jake closed dishes. Pat, of coarse, was the closing manager.
Jake and I joked around about how Misha and I both snapped the two prior nights. so either him or Blair was probably going to snap that night. Well Jake didn't end up snapping, nor did Blair. Instead, PAT FREAKIN' LOST IT!!!
He was sitting in the office and all of a sudden we all heard him scream "MOTHER FUCK!" So loud even the people in the lobby heard him! Then he comes out of the office and paces around the store frantically.
I asked him what was wrong, he didn't respond. Then I asked him if he was going to be okay. He yelled back at me "NO AMBER! DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE I'M GOING TO BE OK? IM WALKING AROUND THE STORE FUCKING TALKING TO MYSELF!! DO YOU THINK I'M OK??"
At this point in time Jake is doing dishes, listening to his metal screamo' music. Then Pat starts walking back to the office and yells at Jake "YOU NEED TO TURN THAT FUCKING MUSIC OFF BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO GO FUCKING CRAZY!" He disappeared back into the office, muttering to himself. The rest of the night, Pat was walking around talking to himself, and randomly venting his frustration.
I guess you have to understand, this is just not like Pat. He is usually very quiet and keeps to himself. OH MY GOD! The rest of the night he was fucking nuts!!!
I seriously thought that I was the only one at Arby's, at least the only one on night crew, that's mentally fucked up in the head. But the last week proved me to be VERY wrong.
So I'm pretty sure, Jake, Misha, and I all agree, that working at Arby's is slowly driving all their employees to the brink of insanity.
Well that's my spiel about my eventful week thus far. Hope you enjoyed.
Questions, comments, concerns??
Love ya all,
So.... I went to this wedding in Northport on Saturday. It was kind of boring. But the after party was tons of fun.
......I had sex with Jaysons girlfrined. Is that bad?
So I'm officially 21.
My birthday was fun. Went to 5 different bars. Drank alot. Danced ALOT, which was tons of fun. And still managed to not vomit at the end of the night.
Although right now I feel like shit!
Ok so something quite interesting happend to me yesterday. Well I guess I cant say it happened to me. Anyway.
I went to the Plasma clinic like I do every Wednesday morning. This guy was in line that I never see there. I noticed he was quietly observing me.
Well when I actully got to the back to donate he sat next to me. We talked about random stuff.
I asked him what he did for a living, he said he was an actor. This interested me. He hasn't had any major roles or anything but he has been in a few big movies. He was in Me, Myself and Irene as the police officer. He was in A Perfect Storm. He's been in some movies I havn't even heard of.
Anyway, I told him he should give me an autograph to have for when he becomes famous. He said he would, but I had to wait until he was done donating. At first I wasn't going to wait around for 30 minutes cause I was really tired and wanted to go back to bed. But I sucked it up and waited for him to get done.
So I waited in my jeep for him to get done. I actully fell asleep in my jeep and he came and woke me up, haha. Anyway we walked to his car and he gave me this picture of him and autographed it. It's very sexy.
So I thanked him for the photo and autograph and gave him a hug. As I was walking away he said "I hope I see you again..." So I couldn't resist, I replied "well maybe some time I'll take you to dinner or something."
He gave me his myspace addy and all that to contact him.
When I got home I wrote him a note. He replied, "ok I cant resist, I really want to see you again." and he sent me his phone number.
We texted back and forth all night while I was at work yesterday. It was nice.
After I got off work he called me and asked me if I wanted to come hang out with him and a couple of his friends.
At first I was leary, because I dont know him that well. But then I thought "what the hell do I have to lose."
So they came and picked me up and took me to his house. I had an awesome night with him. He is a very interesting person who has done alot in his life so far.
I really like him.
I stayed the night with him, he was quite comfortable to lay in bed with.
Anyway, He asked me if I would come to his house tomorrow night (friday) so he can make me dinner. I'm very excited.
He says he really likes me, and wishes I would stay at his house every night. That's cute. I want to start a relationship with him, but I'm sure it wont work. He's moving to LA in July to start a couple new roles.
So yeah I thought this was really interesting. An actor, who happens to be very sexy, to find interest in me.
If you want to, look him up. His name is Frankie Fronk. He's also on my myspace.
Soo heres my new poem. It could be alot better, but I seem to be lacking the intelligence I once possesed.
Tell me what you think.
I gaze upon the vast space before me
The space where light reaches earth
Pondering this existence
Pondering this lifeless meaning
This meaningless life
I watch intently
Watching the sands of time slip through our fingers
I come to realize this is what we have made of ourselves
We fill our lives with all this temporary happiness
We have created a life of nothingness
It seems we know not how to listen
Just how to act
The answers sit right before us
But we are too blind to see
All we know is that vast space before us
May 1st, 2008
Once again I have negelcted my journal. It seems to be an ongoing process. Perhaps we have a love hate relationship. But I'm pretty sure it's really just cause I'm lazy. Or I lack having an interesting life to write about.
Anyway, as for my latest life endevors.
I bought a bike, i've been trying to make it a ritual to take a bike ride everyday. I havn't gotten to that point yet, but I do go atleast once or twice every week. It's good for me, although it makes my legs feel like jello. After I get done riding and I sit down I feel like i'm high or something. Kind of like a really long headrush. I just think about it, all those years I was using meth, coke, and pot to get high; all I really needed was a freakin' bike!!
Some more interesting news. I'm no longer in a relationship with Rick. I had some jealousy issues I couldnt get over. I thought breaking up with make things wierd between us. I thought there would be alot of animosity between us at work and what not. But everyting is good. He's like my best friend, and he's still awesome to hang out with. We both still have this affection thing for eachother, but now we dont have to worry about the other persons "love life". No more worrying if we are cheating on eachother because we dont feel like we own eachother.
Anyway, I love our relationship the way it is. He's so understanding.
Ohh, happy news, I finally got a REAL bed. I no longer sleep on an airmattress, Yay for me. I went all out and finally decorated my room. Now it feels more inviting. I just need to get a black light and I'll be good.
I'm still trying to get a second job. I have alot of things I need to do, but they all require having more money. I'm trying to finish paying off my dentist bill, I have like $370 left on it. After I pay that off I need to get a loan for $500 and buy new tires for my jeep and a couple more things to fix it up.
I'm sill working at Arbys, closing is starting to wear on me. But I still love my co-workers. My gay boy Alphonso is so much fun to work with. We sometimes party with eachother after work. He's a crazy drunk. One night he was hitting on my straight nextdoor neighbor kid. It was funny shit.
Ohh I've found my new addiction. It's a game. It's called Apples to Apples. Has anyone else ever played it? It's tons of fun. Especially when your drunk!
Well I'm kind of working on a new poem right now. I havn't written in soo long. Lack of motivation I suppose.
I have new pictures to post, but I'll get around to that later.
How is everybody?
Love ya much,
Soo, I realized I can't do something. Not that it's something I cant do, but more of something that I cant stand to listen too.
I just listened to a 2 hour converstion about religion. The existance of god, what you get out of believeing... All kinds of bull shit.
The worst part of this incident was the fact that, both the people argueing about religion didn't even believe in a god or higher power.
I guess you would have been there to understand the depth of the madness going through my brain.
Blah to silly boys.
Amber has found herslf in limerance.
I fall so easily for these wonderful guys. And I cant seem to pull my self away.
I have this customer at Arby's, He's kind of a regular. The first time he came in he said "is there a reason your grinding your teeth?" I didnt even realize I was.
His friend called him doctor. So out of curiousity I went out in the lobby. I said "ok doctor, what is your suggestion, how can I stop grinding my teeth?" He said "oh im not really a doctor, my dad is, so let me make a call"
I know it's an odd conversation, but every time he comes in since then he always has a little talk with me. I've grown very fond of him. So last time he came in it was Friday. I had just got to work and finished signing into my till. I was taking orders, he waved at me as he walked to the bathroom. I got all giddy inside.
He was filling up his drink and kept looking back at me. I couldn't help it, I waved him over. After My line of customers was gone he came up to the counter. I told him I hadn't seen him in awhile and I kind of missed him. He said he was busy, and was sorry he hadn't come by.
Then it seems I just couldn't resist.
I told him "you should let me take you to dinner."
He replied "where, when, you know what an even better question, why?"
I said so bluntly "because I think your sexy...."
This took him by suprise, he said "well that certinly is a good reason, got a number?"
I wrote down my number for him, he thanked me and said he would give me a call.
As he left he kept looking back at me, with a wonderful smile on his face.
He called me saturday, I was very happy to hear his voice. I had a long phone converation with him, it was nice. I usually hate talking on the phone, but for some reason it felt different. He makes me all giddy.
So we have been texting back and forth for 4 days and we are both so impatient to see eachother again.
Amber is in limerance.
I'll let you know how it goes when I see him. Probably on saturday or sunday.
Perhaps I'll get a picture too.
I dont understand myself. I'm such a fucking oxymoron.
When my mom drinks and I know it's causing her life to go in a negative direction, I dont really even care anymore. She can ruin her life if she wants to. But when my love, Rick drinks, night after night, I freight for his life. I know what kind of problems it can bring him and I care so severely for his life. Isn't that a little backwards?
Why do I want everyone to be happy even if what makes them happy will cause me to be unhappy? I know I cant make everyone happy, but I still try to. Like a hopeless cause.
Why do the littlest things get to me? Why do I let them get to me?
Why are my emotions so easily swayed. Like i'm too fragile.
Why do I have to be this rollercoaster? Never knowing whats going to happen next in my fucked up head.
Why do I feel like I have no control over the way I feel?
How can I love someone else more than I love myself? Why do I do this?
Am I doing myself an injustice? Or does this make me a better person because I'm so giving?
Why do I feel the need to solve everybodys problems?
Why to I have to be so empathetic?
Why do I feel the need to cry even though I really have no reason to cry?
Why do I get this feeling like theres a hole in my chest? a void? as if I'm empty.
Why do I feel sick to my stomach?
Why the fuck cant I stop asking these questions?
And why cant I hear the answers, if god is actully telling me.
Where has my hope and faith gone?
Sometimes I really just feel lost.
I am broken.
Like the puzzle
Only it feels like mine has missing peices
So no one can fix me
Why the hell am I so fucked up in the head??
I wish I could make it end.